Is Alcohol Affecting Your Relationships? Spencer Matthews Talks Alcohol And Relationships

Spencer Matthews founded CleanCo. with a vision to make not-drinking not-weird.

At the time, non-alcoholic drink options were pretty sparse and if you didn’t want 0% beer or an af cocktail that tastes like apple juice, your options were pretty limited.

Fast forward 5 years and CleanCo. is the largest independent spirits brand in the world, bringing delicious-tasting spirits to the zero proof market.

But the story behind one of the most successful alcohol-free brands is a personal one of struggle. Spencer himself went through a period where he thought he might lose everything to alcohol. He admits that there was a good chance that his wife, Vogue, would have left him if he carried on drinking the way he was.

His story is far from unique. Romantic relationships and alcohol don’t mix particularly well together. 

In fact,  studies show that heavy alcohol use has been associated with decreased relationship satisfaction, higher risk for marital distress, and more negative interactions between couples.

In this article we’re chatting to Spencer about his experience of alcohol and relationships and where he’s at now with drinking.

How Alcohol Consumption Affects Relationships

Alcohol can feel like a great thing for relationships sometimes. It can help us bond, heighten social gatherings and commemorate important moments. But when drinking gets taken too far, the effect on relationships is huge.

Be it friendships, relationships or work colleagues, when we drink excessively our relationships suffer. 

Spencer has experienced this first-hand, having nearly lost the love of his life to his alcohol abuse.

“I absolutely had to make a change in my life. I didn’t have too much of a choice unless I wanted to lose everything”, he shares. 

“It got to a point for me where I knew that to keep hold of the people that I love the most I needed to stop drinking alcohol. There was a good chance that I might have lost my relationship if I kept drinking the way I was.”

From Partying Together To Threatening The Relationship

Like most couples, Spencer shares that he and Vogue used to party when they first got together, but they soon realised their drinking styles were not matched.

“I met an incredible woman who's now my wife and she would enjoy a drink too, but a lot less frequently. She would drink quite a lot of alcohol but only on the odd occasion if there was a night out or something. She doesn’t really like the taste of alcohol, so when she was drinking she was getting drunk.”

“Meanwhile, I would drink daily but not really with the intention of getting drunk. I would just drink and drink. I had a very high tolerance for alcohol, which was kind of unhelpful.”

“After a while this kind of drinking became a problem. What was once fun became very destructive and I started to be consumed with shame and regrets. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I didn't really have the control to stop it. That’s when I realised I might have a problem here.”

Is It Normal To Hide Drinking Alcohol? 

In short, no. If you're hiding your drinking habit you may have a problem.

But Spencer shared that like many people with alcohol issues, hiding his drinking was a regular occurence. This affected his relationships as he was having to bend the truth in order to sustain his unhealthy lifestyle.

“I was drinking early in the day, lying about it, masking it. I was basically pretending everything was fine. But that’s when the people closest to me started questioning it.”

“Most people can go for a drink and no one questions it, but when you have an issue people start to keep an eye on you. There were so many questions around whether I was drinking, that I started bending the truth.”

These kinds of lies can cause arguments and trust issues, which are further perpetuated by alcohol. Studies show that alcohol affects our mood, making us more likely to get angry, tired and irritable. 

“When I started lying to people I loved to sustain my drinking habits I knew I had to change. And that was the time in my life where I realised that to keep hold of my relationship, I had to stop drinking alcohol.”

3+ Years Sober And Healthier And Happier Than Ever

Spencer shares that since cutting back on his alcohol consumption his whole life has improved. He took 3.5 years away from drinking and now very rarely shares wine or champagne with his wife, in a way that feels wholesome, not destructive.

“I had a couple of glasses of wine when I was in Southern Italy with my wife, which was perfect, but I don’t feel the need to have any more than that.  I’m more interested in waking up in the morning and going on a run and I know that drinking too much will take that away from me.”

“These days, I might have a drink very occasionally but it’s not a worry for me anymore. I’m in the best shape of my life and I’m very happy, so drinking isn’t really in line with who I am as a person anymore.”

“For me, everything is better without alcohol. My relationships, my health, my work. Since going sober, I stopped playing catch up with myself and started behaving in a way that I’m proud of.”

Want to learn more about Spencer’s journey with alcohol?

We’re releasing monthly blog interviews sharing more from the founder of CleanCo. so keep your eyes peeled!